Friday, June 10, 2005

I'm in Love...with a Woman!



It's true! To be honest though, it's still a bit to get over. I mean, sometimes, I don't even think it's normal. But you know what? When you saw me jump on Oprah's furniture, pump my fists in ecstacy, and, yes, bring out my lovely bride-to-be (just you wait 'till next week!), that was all real. You see, I just got so caught up in the moment, that I couldn't control myself! I'm sure you understand; it's not every day that you meet a beautiful girl biologically young enough to be your daughter, and have her fall head over heels in love with you, and have her even be willing to leave twenty-six years of her own religion for yours, all in six weeks flat! Score! Boy, sometimes I wish I was young enough to do a sequel to Top Gun, because right now, I'm on top of the world! Well, I guess that skinny, cute, cute boy said that in Titanic, but you know what I mean, right?

I know a lot of people have been saying strange things about my behavior, and about sweet, blessed Scientology, but I'm here to set the record straight. I *do* love (wo)men, and my relationship with the most awesome girl in the world, aka Kate - it's not for show. I mean, who says you can't find true love in four weeks? A bunch of naysayers, that's who! But I know that Kate and I have something that's going to last forever, and I know she'll learn to feel the same way. Just you wait. People keep on talking about the five years she spent with some other guy, and the almost ten years I spent with the previous love of my life, but those days are in the past -- we've got to let go of such things! In fact, don't tell anyone, but Katie and I have already begun to discuss the possibilities of making our own movie together. It'll be like Eyes Wide Shut, but even better! Currently, you know, Katie's all like Thighs Wide Shut, but that's why we're getting engaged (nudge, nudge)! If this doesn't put all of those mean rumours about me not loving the ladies to rest, then I'm not sure what will, but I'm not worried. My Truth mentor tells me we have nothing to worry about, as long as we continue to follow the path to enlightenment!

Oh, have I mentioned that I have a movie coming out? It stars me! And it's going to be sooooo good -- Katie watched it last night, and she told me it was the best thing she'd seen all day; next to me, of course. And you know what? She has a new movie coming out as well, though I can't remember what it's called. Batman's Buns, or something like that. We're going to watch it together next week, because I think that's when it's coming out. If it's anything like Katie, I'm going to fall in love with it in no time flat, because that's how I feel about Katie -- she's awesome! I can't believe she's so awesome -- I've never felt this way before, I swear! Penelope was...well, let's not go there. Personally, all I'll say is that I wasn't the reason so many people hated Vanilla Sky. People love my smile! You remember Jerry Maguire, don't you? Haha, I knew you would. I've got to go for now though; those Thetans won't disappear by themselves!

Sincerely,
TheEverlastingSamurai

388 Comments:

Anonymous evilflower said...

Yeah, right, ai if you were the real Tom Cruise...

8:12 PM  
Anonymous evilflower said...

Yeah, right, as if you were the real Tom Cruise...

8:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

tom cruise would know that its jerry MAGUIRE NOT KERRY MCGUIRE

10:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol i meant to say that tom would know that it is jerry maguire not jerry MCguire

11:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

someone has too much time on their hands

11:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is a JOKE blog you idiots!

10:47 PM  
Blogger disbelief said...

Wow. I found this unreadable. I mean, I didn't bother to read a word of it. It took me 5 minutes just to scroll down!

I Love Tom Cruise. He's really great, and I think whoever made this blog, well, you're the one who looks like a joke.

6:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

if you actually read it, you'd see that it's pretty funny. who cares if it's the real tom or not?

5:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

whoa -- why'd you make fun of penelope? dude, she was the only thing in the movie worth watching!

5:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I made poopy AGAIN and Tom Cruise held my hand while it came out! YAY!!

4:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh and I meant to tell you that Disbelief made poopy as well, but her poopy was green and smelled really bad. It made Tom Cruise cry.

4:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

who is this? will the real tom cruise please stand up????

5:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahahahahaha

i love this so much, whoever's behind it.

5:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tom Cruise can suck the big one, he is a douche bag that doesn't know when to shut his mouth.

5:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! I can't wait to show this to my friends. Incredibly hilarious! Keep updating it every time Tom does something stupid!!!

And in the words of so many people lately: SHOW ME THE THETANS!

8:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dearest Tom Cruise

Dude! .... what???

5:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is the funniest blog that I've ever read. EVER. hah
Keep it up, I love this pseudocruise sheeit, sent it to all my friends.

3:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The best and so insightful and funny. I'm looking forward to new posts!

10:54 PM  
Anonymous Oprah said...

You still haven't told me,Tom - how did you two meet?

11:42 AM  
Anonymous Nicole Kidman(*not really) said...

Well, I've got to tell you Tommy my boy you've outdone yourself again. I wish I had found a much younger lad to tag along with me before "Bewitched" came out. Although Scientology probably doesn't believe in witches...hmmm what's another word I could use to describe your religious antics? What you have with Katie Holmes is sort of like, oh what's the word I'm looking for.. A CULT OR SOMETHING! Listen honey; once Katie finds out you're bending over her old flame, Chris Klein, things won't be so awesome being that guy's bitch!

3:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You go Tom!!!! ROTFL!

5:08 PM  
Anonymous einstiensgirl said...

This is fabulous satire...right up there with the greatest...keep up the good work...my boyfriend and i laughed so hard we hurt!!!

11:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This was hilarious .... What an unbelievable idiot - he can barely put two complete intelligent thoughts together (as you can see on Oprah and his interview with Lauer) - he couldn't think of anything more substantial to say about Katie other than 'she's amazing' a gazillion time - um, I guess someone acting like an ape on a couch can't think much more than one - maturity for him is not there - he couldn't say two proper sentences about his kids, you just stared at him going 'I wonder if he actually has an IQ' - I am sure her parents are going "OH MY GOD" and Nicole's parents are saying "Good ridance".

12:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG this is so funny! KEEP IT UP!

5:33 AM  
Anonymous amira said...

come on people it doesnt matter whether it is the real tom or not what matters is that he is happy

12:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i will never believe that you're the real cruise...this is just a joke...so i'll laugh a little.

10:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I will say a couple of things, because I have time on my hands to kill. The idea of Tom that I have in my head was that he is increadably inteligent, reserved, private, one of the best actors, so sexy ofcourse, with great taste, person that loves to be left alone by public and hates anyone to interfere in his life. He doesn't really care about anyones opionions, demands justice and when he is right, o boy - he will prove it. Likes to be respected and even though deserves a few oscars already - doesn't give a shit about the people who make a decision about it. He makes things happen with or without the cult that noone really knows exists in Hollywood, loves to be challanged, and will make things happen on his own just the way he likes it. Trully cares about people, and the reason why he wants to see his friends and loved once convert to Scientology is not because it is a cult as refered here, but because it help him live a better life, to become stronger, overcome the fears and imperfections he had and be on top of the world as he certainly is. He wants the same for Katie and he wanted Nicole to share the same. You can only betrade him once, and there is no second chances. He will forgive maybe but never forget. The pain caused him will not let him take a second chance - he will simply close the chapter of that book. He loves people all kinds and if he only could he would have friends in all kinds of low places. Doesn't really care what the media says, sometimes though when it's brought to many times to his attention - he will fight for the truth. I doubt he reads this site, maybe for the amuzement, however a man of this size has many better things to do with his time. He would care less to try to prove his love for someone to people like us. And if I am wrong, in some opinions here, I hope is the one that this is not your site, and I feel closer to you by reading your thoughts and it makes me feel closer to you as a person, that shares the same believes as you do. I am your devoted fan and always will be, your life and your decisions will never have any impact on the way I feel about you. You are the reason why the show goes on... I thought maybe in the next life time I get to feel this way - so thank you for this site if it is really you. I gave you a hint who this is when you read this Tom, and you might.

2:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am sorry for any mistakes in my spelling in that comment above, English is my second language.

2:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

o yeah, I know you like exotics...Tom

2:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

drat! I meant 'erotics' back there. as you alll kno, I am dyslexie.
Tom

6:11 AM  
Anonymous shahy said...

hi i really hope u can read ths ,my name is shahy and i am from egypt and i am wish i can call myself tom cruise, i really admire your work and i know that long time ago u proved to every one that u rnot just a good looking guy but u r the perfect actor, and i am so so happy that u found your match ;) bcoz that is how i fel whan i met my boyfriend too i wanted to knock on every house and say "i am in love with him". i loved what u wrote in ur web ite and the title "i am tom and i am in love".
i wish u would both stay 2gether forever, and dont ever care what ppl say these are JUST jelouse :D
i hope u read my mail Thomas.
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my e mail is: ttt_magnolya@yahoo.com
i love u and i love Katie
bye

12:38 AM  
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Tom, don't listen to anyone. You and Katie will make it. (or else)

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought it was hilarious. Good for you!

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Anonymous Alexa said...

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Anonymous Secret Admirer said...

I would like to say this to Tom Cruise I am so happy for you. You deserve happiness and so much love when I was younger I always admired Tom and thought one day i will have the opportunity to meet him but now it is too late :))

8:17 AM  
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Congratulations to you and Katie I wish you both the best. From Elzanne Louw

8:28 AM  
Anonymous The Goat said...

Hey Tom if you were gay i would have you and i would like you to make me your number 1.

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You're a jelous!

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Why don't you leave the man alone with his happiness?That's typical of us people to humiliate people when they show us their true feelings.He is in love...so what?!Let him be in love.

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Anonymous Monte Havens said...

This Guy Is a Deuche Bag! He is so Mr. Religous? why hasnt he married her before doin her? Have a baby outta wedlock? Read the Bible Moron! He is a pompis Turd compareable to Michael Jackson! Only thing missing is a Chimp! I saw a video of a guy that squirted him with water and he was a dick cant even take a Joke! He Tommy!! Dont forget it was US the public that made you, so get off your High Horse and realise , you are just a guy! Get a clue before you preach! I hope he gets to see this . If that was my sister I'd pound ya !

1:32 AM  
Anonymous Monte Havens said...

Oh and here is a message for all the anonymous folks, sign your name cowards!Get to know this guy in person I bet he aint so cute! Kate honey , Tom is not what he seems! Make him say I do and demand Half Period! You sign a prenump then make him pay for your affection! Just ask him see what he says . I have 200$ says he um oh um makes an excuse . Call your brothers n Uncles . Have them take the guy to lunch . He needs some reality.

1:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

FUCK TOM CRUISE, HIS MISGUIDED RELIGION, AND HIS STUPID MOVIE TOO. AS IF I HAD ANY MONEY TO GO OUT ANYWAY, I WOULD PROBABLY RUN OUT OF GAS ON THE WAY. I HOPE IT BOMBS, IT WOULD SHOW HIM THAT PEOPLE ARE SICK OF HEARING ABOUT HIS STUPID LIFE

11:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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1:21 AM  
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I am sorry people keep making jokes about you being gay. i hate that bullshit.
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1:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe before people should offer criticism of Tom Cruise they should demand that the mental health field clean up the 11 to 17% of the mental health professionals who sexually abuse their clients, not to mention those that psychologically or financially abuse them.

8:03 PM  
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Tom:
Show your face in colorado and I will punch your lights out. You are a low life scum bag. Don't tell anyone how to live their lives. Shove your religion up your ass and up Katies crotch. Don't come anywhere near CO dickface. Kissy, kissy.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

News from Scientology central: we need your money, Tom. You will never be "clear" because then the money train would stop, and we all know it is really all about selling you courses over and over. Scientology is an evil cult, picking on mindless douche bags like you!

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I have read so many lies about Tom Cruise on the press that I don't believe anything they say anymore. If they were true he probably would have married Katie about 2000 times. He would have eaten placenta which he only said as a joke while laughing on a TV interview I watched. He would have split with Katie 3000 times. And many many more. All of his movies would have sunk at the box office while the statistics still show his movies keep being international hits of one or another magnitude, but International box office HITS. All these lies and attacs towards him had made me start to think about what is really going on here. Why so many lies? Why so many attacks? Well, I suspect may have been right when he attacked psychiatry last year and now they are attacking back covertly. It's the only explanation that makes sense to me. He said the truth and that could put their multi billion drug business in danger. Ouch!! So I am starting to consider Tom as a very brave man who faced all alone the global fraud of psychiatry and who is now paying for having dared to face the multi billion dollar psychiatric drug industry fraud!! Don't accept to be brainwashed by the media lies anymore. Let's all USE our brains and honestly investigate and find the TRUTH behind!

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Tom Cruise is an idiot! Thought he was cool until he claim'd to know how to cure Depression. Exercise and vitamins? Hummm like I said the man is an Idiot.

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