Guess what's coming out tomorrow? That's right -- War of the Worlds! I can't tell you what it's about (it's not like I've said anything about it in any public appearances, so I couldn't change now...), but I will tell you that it's going to be better than the 1953 version. You know how in the previews, you only see me, Dakota, and a crowd of people screaming? Well, that's pretty much the whole movie. But it'll be really good once you're in the theater. You get to see me turn from a shallow, egotistic man who only thinks about himself, into a thoughtful, compassionate, deeper human being by the end of the movie. You know -- the same character I played in Vanilla Sky, Top Gun, Rain Man, A Few Good Men, and (duh), Jerry Maguire! See, I think that if you find out you're good at one thing, then you should try to do it as many times as possible. That's why I always play the same character in my unique movies -- I'm just giving the people what they want.
By the way, I think Katie and I might star in a remake of Invasion of the Body-Snatchers sometime in the next year or two. If anyone's capable of accurately portraying a brainwashed human being, it's definitely Katie. Oh -- speaking of being posessed, I totally punk'd Lauer last week (Katie and I have been watching old episodes on MTV-Euro) . Anyone who's studied the history of psychosis can tell you that I was in charge of that interview; Matt's going to think twice the next time he has to talk to a Scientologist. Hopefully he'll be more responsible before he opens his mouth, and starts to babble about things he clearly knows nothing about.
"Who do you love?"
"I'm not going to lie anymore, Tom."
"Come on! You'll blow our cover..."
"You, Tom. I...I love you."
"Attagirl. Now, who do we pray to at night?"
"G...I mean...no one!"
"Perfect! Last one -- desert island. One Book: The Bible, or Dianetics?"
"...this is getting ridiculous..."
"Say it! I mean...say it, please?"
"Dianetics! Dianetics, you little munchkin.."
"Do you have to wear those heels all the time? You're already so tall..."
"It was part of the deal. Besides, I know you're wearing those stupid elevator shoes. Don't lie to me..."
(Totally wrong interpretation of this picture).
I mean, if I kidnapped (and brainwashed) a 26-year old doe-eyed, All-American girl, called her the love of my life, and told the world we were going to get married, at least half of you would believe me. The public can't get enough of the Cruise. And this is why you're going to turn out in massive numbers to see me play the same character in yet another overhyped action flick.
Thank you for funding Scientology with every ticket you buy,
Thomas Cruise Mapother IV