Thursday, June 30, 2005

A Love Tricycle


Hi everyone! I've been a bit busy lately, but I just had to fill you in on the past couple of days...

So I called Nicole yesterday, and told her it would be really nice if she'd come to our wedding. She said she'd think about it, but she wouldn't give me a straight answer. She said something about wanting to stay out of the public eye. I didn't have a clue about what she meant, but that's all right. As long as my fiancee and I are in love, and War of the Worlds does well in the box office, then I'll be a happy man.

Later that evening, when Katie and I were removing engrams from our bodies (don't ask), I got a phonecall from Penelope, which was kind of weird, because I thought I changed my number when we broke up. I didn't feel like speaking to her, so I left it to the answering machine (Katie), and she took care of it. It's always awkward when your old girlfriends, lovers, and wives first meet your current girlfriend/fiancée/brainwashee, but I think Katie handled it well. She's so graceful in her ways.

Tomorrow, we're thinking of going to the dentist to get Katie's wisdom teeth pulled out -- she doesn't think she'll need them anymore, now that she's becoming a Scientologist, hehe. Just kidding! She's actually had a toothache for the past ten weeks. Oddly enough, it seems to have started when we started dating, and falling in love. That's why she doesn't say much in interviews these days; it physically hurts her to talk about anything that doesn't have to do with me. But you know what? I feel the same way! Perhaps this is what they mean when they say love hurts? It's such a mystery!

It doesn't matter though; our good friend Jessica Rodriguez has become a sort of big sister to Katie -- she helps her say the right things in interviews, and she helps keep Katie from slipping back into bad habits (like Christianity, thinking for herself, contacting her family and friends, or promoting her movies). I don't know where I'd be without her, Katie, and our love of Scientology. We're like a tricycle -- an awesome tricycle of Scientology and love and awesomeness!

I'd write more, but I've got to go make sure that my motorcycle is in tip-top condition. Katie and I love riding down quiet country roads. Tomorrow we plan to celebrate my recent certification as a doctor, courtesy of the University of Scientology. Go Thetans!

Your best friend,
Tom Cruise, M.D. Class of '05.

P.S,
Katie's working on her bachelor's degree as we speak.

105 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

tom, who has custody of the kids?

2:32 AM  
Anonymous tom hanks said...

did someone ask for tom hanks???

2:34 AM  
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2:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

tom cruise is teh coolness...

2:49 AM  
Anonymous too cool for school said...

i wonder if katie has ever seen this -- she'd probably pop a blood vessel...

2:50 AM  
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haha...katiepop...

2:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

who's this jessica rodriguez chick?

3:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

all of uu suk. tom cruz rocks. it's a fact -- don't try to hite it -- axxept it.

3:08 AM  
Anonymous Penelope said...

tom, be careful! be sure to wear a helmet!

hugs,
your former zombie

12:37 PM  
Anonymous nicole said...

tom, i haven't made up my mind yet about coming to the wedding. i'll let you know in a few days.

regards,
nic.

12:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

katie watch out when you get your wisdom teeth pulled...those things hurt like a ************.....

12:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

jessica rodriguez is that really weird scientologist that's been stalking/following katie wherever she goes.

12:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you mean tom cruise?

12:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL!

12:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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12:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahaha -- "go thetans!"

this blog is the best...

1:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

katie tell tom to smile more.

/sarcasm.

1:11 PM  
Anonymous hung dick cheney said...

this is the best part of the entry:

"It's always awkward when your old girlfriends, lovers, and wives first meet your current girlfriend/fiancée/brainwashee, but I think Katie handled it well."

1:12 PM  
Anonymous george w bush said...

did everyone like my speech the other night? i hope you did -- or else yor a terrorist!!

2:06 PM  
Anonymous Stewie From The Family Guy said...

Tom, would you like to join me in my quest for world domination? We can use this 'scientology' thing to control the world...HA HA VICTORY IS MINE!

3:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hereby dubbed this royal union QuacKat.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

i knew you were a doctor tom! you have that doctor's instint about you!

8:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

have we ever considered the possibility that tom might have mad cow disease?

8:19 PM  
Anonymous nancy grace said...

tom cruise killed katie holmes. details at 9/8central. only on nancie grace!!!

8:19 PM  
Anonymous mimi r. said...

all i have to say is that if nicole's not coming to the wedding, then neither am i. i hate to say it tom, but you're on your own.

8:25 PM  
Anonymous dan abrams said...

nancy, i know about your trailer trash background. couldn't get rid of the accent, could you?

9:05 PM  
Anonymous Isabella Cruise said...

Dear Dad,
Grow up and come out of the closet.
P.S. Tell Katie to brush her hair.

10:57 PM  
Anonymous billy graham said...

hey, is it possible for non-believers to attend the University of Scientology? because if not, that sounds like discrimination!

11:39 PM  
Anonymous nancy grace said...

leave me alone, dan! all i want is justice! justice for all those little boys who slept in michael jackson's bed!!!

wait...is this the tom cruise blog?

11:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol...now we've got nancy grace posting here? you'd think a hack like ms. grace would be out somewhere searching for missing teenagers in aruba...

11:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

tootaches hurt a bunch. send my regards to katie...

2:15 AM  
Anonymous jerry seinfeld said...

katie, i've heard about those sixteen days in april when you were incommunicado. sounds like you stumbled into a cult...might wanna try and get outta there.

2:16 AM  
Anonymous beck said...

i feel so sad for you, tom. i mean, you were pretty famous some years back, what with the movies and all. but ever since this whole tomkat thing started...it just doesn't seem real anymore. whatever happened to the old tom?

3:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

all of u are a bunch of luzers! tom really loves katie -- he would never ever try to hypnotize her into doing something she didn't want to do! gosh!

3:22 AM  
Anonymous Val "Ice Man" Kilmer said...

heya tom...i 'm looking for a job..got any open? let's go watch top gun together one of these days

P.S. Please i'm broke and lonely

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Anonymous tom's personal assistant said...

Mr. Val Kilmer: Tom has requested your presence to perform several "jobs" around his house and hotel. Of course, all confidentiality will be secured through legal documents. I'm faxing them to you right now.

Oh yes, and Tom wants you to lose a little weight before you come over. You've become quite gross and sweaty.

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Anonymous rob thomas said...

Tom,the story is out that we were caught in bed! were fooked :((
call me:x

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Anonymous Elli W said...

Ha, this stuff is funny!! Hey, Tom why don't you date Kylie Minogue? Maybe you're taller than her?
Sorry, I couldn't think of anything to write..
Later!

3:02 PM  
Anonymous Kylie Minogue said...

I'm offended that you would suggest such a thing. What kind of a brainless tart do you think I am? As soon as I'm done with chemo I'm kicking your arse.

7:29 PM  
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Blogger joeiskrappy said...

well um....yea...is this blog for real or is this just a joke?


-
cait

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1:36 PM  

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