However, this isn't all I wanted to tell you about. The other day, while Katie and I were playing a good-old-fashioned game of naked basketball, I got a phonecall. It was from Ben (Affleck) -- he called to tell me he and Jennifer (Garner) had just gotten married! I couldn't believe it. I mean, is it really possible for two celebrities to have a relationship without being everywhere in the public eye? Katie picked up the extension, and she congratulated Ben. We're both so happy for him and Jen. Hopefully my fiancee and I will be able to tie the knot in similar fashion someday. I have to admit, I had been a little worried when I first found out they were thinking of getting married. After all, they hadn't known each other for very long, you know? But now that they're officially husband and wife, it just makes sense. Love is an awesomely awesome thing.
Oh, but you know what the wildest part is? They're even going to have a baby! I...well, I have a bit of a secret. I don't actually know where babies come from. I mean, Nicole tried to show me many times during our ten years of celibacy/marriage, but I never quite got the hang of it. The Church of Scientology told me something about a stork, which sounded kind of strange at first, but I guess it must be true. I mean, the Church would never lie to me, would they? So, I don't know how Katie and I are going to have children, but I'm sure the stork will come when it sees how much we love each other. Katie said she wants five kids. I just hope that stork doesn't get tired from flying back and forth with lots of little TomKats, LOL!
Whoops - I've got to go. My fiancée and I are going to practice kissing, so we won't look so stiff the next time we try it in public -- Gawd, I don't know why kissing girls is so awkward for me! It's like trying to find your way out of a dark closet...arms and legs and sweaty bodies everywhere. I've got to get used to this, before the gardener and the cabana boy start spreading naughty rumors. If anyone tells you a story about nude fencing (without sabers), it's totally a lie. Well, tata for now! Oh, and if you get bored this weekend, go see WOTW again! We're trying to build a scale replica of the Eiffel Tower outside our beachhouse in the Bahamas, so Katie and I can always remember the place where we declared our love for each other.
Won't you be my neighbor?
Tom (TopGunner) Cruise.
Oh, and it's my birthday tomorrow. Go me! -- the big 43!