Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Top Gun in the Oven!

A few weeks ago...my fiancée and I did the impossible.

Yup, that's right. We flew into the danger zone. Together. Undercover -- heck, without a cover! And now...

I don't know if you've heard anything about it, but it appears that the good Lord Xenu has decided to bless Katie and I with a child! Not an adopted child, but one that's half Katie, and half me! To tell you the truth, I'm still in a little bit of shock over all this -- I mean, I had no idea that making a baby was so complicated! When I was married to Nicole, she'd tried to show me where babies came from, but...I just couldn't believe any of it! It seemed so...icky, and un-natural. It was just like that scene we did in Eyes Wide Shut, except there weren't any cameras (as far as I could tell). But no matter how hard she tried to show me, the stork never brought us any babies. It was so strange. I kept on pretending she was a guy, and I guess that didn't help. But then Katie came along, and now, everything makes sense!

Oh, and to everyone who ever raised...ahem...doubts about my uber-heterosexuality, well, here's what I have to say to you:

Even Dawson couldn't get Joey pregnant! And now, look at me! Mission Impossible? Nooo way. Mission Complete! And I didn't even have to marry her, or land on an aircraft carrier! (Although, we do still plan to follow through with the marriage, don't worry)

So in conclusion, this is why I haven't updated lately. Sorry you guys -- babymaking's a pretty time-intensive business. I mean first of all, it took Katie about three weeks just to convince me that having kids wouldn't increase our thetan count, and then it took her even longer to show me what went where, but after I figured it out -- it was (to use a word of Kate's)... "awesome." I've got to say though, if this is really what pregnancy and childbirth is all about, then I'm totally looking forward to having kids with Katie. I hope she doesn't get freaked out seven months from now though, when the baby comes. I did a bit of reading last night, and apparently, we don't give new moms any of those icky pain-relieving drugs to help with childbirth. Don't blame me -- it's just a part of the rules. But I'm not too worried about it -- I mean, how hard can it be to give birth?

In other news, filming MI3 is going pretty well -- I'll tell you more about that later. We got back from Rome a little while ago, and Katie and I even found some time for rock-climbing (well, until we figured out she probably shouldn't do that anymore for awhile). But I couldn't go any further without mentioning this awesome awesome awesomeness of news. I'm going to be a daddy!

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go look for some elevator baby shoes. If this kid gets any of my genes, s/he's gonna need them.

Love, babies, and Scientology,
Tom "call me daddy" Cruise

554 Comments:

Blogger Víctor said...

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3:28 AM  
Blogger Kathy said...

Hurray! You're back!

7:28 AM  
Anonymous elle w said...

Awww, congratulations.. Let's hope Katie doesn't get a post partum depression.
Or whatever it's called.

9:46 AM  
Anonymous Carmen ' 69 said...

Tom and Katie,
as a mother of two I must congratulate you for the wonderful news, me and my husband treasure those beautiful moments during pregnancy,the birth, the tears, and all the memories to come our ways. Bless you both in this magical moment in your lives, a couple's love is defined by their own children, and that baby will prove to be 100% love from you both.
Love, Carmen

12:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well the baby is due in August and it October - lets see that means that she didn't even wait to see if she would skip a month -that's 10 months away ..... pretty good

12:32 PM  
Blogger vicki1966 said...

Tom- you should grow up and Katie should run!!!!!!!!!!

12:46 PM  
Anonymous Angel said...

Congrats to Tom and Katie - I know those crazy Scientology massage people will be there right in the labor/delivery room. My baby is the light of my life - of course I called his father every name in the book during the delivery which was sans drugs (my "I can do anything" phase which was short lived).

2:19 PM  
Anonymous Nicole Kidman said...

TOM, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? I THOUGHT YOU WERE STERILE!!!! YOU TOLD ME WE COULD ONLY ADOPT! I HATE YOU BOTH!!

3:21 PM  
Blogger Tom said...

Forgive the two month hiatus -- I've been tied up with a lot of school-related stuff lately :^)

sincerely,
anti-tom

4:52 PM  
Blogger Katie Holmes said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:37 PM  
Blogger Katie Holmes said...

I'm having Tom's baby!!!!!!!!! Life is just so... AMAZING!

The Future Tom Cruise

8:45 PM  
Blogger Monique Gaeski said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:07 PM  
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9:09 PM  
Blogger Ethan Hunt said...

I`m not the Father thankgod..
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9:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what a complete moron!! You preach about women using drugs to help with post partem depression and try to lecture those who defend it as if you're a doctor, yet you didn't "get" where babies come from or how they got there? I just pray Katie doesn't experience any part of Post Partem, however if she did maybe you're "eyes will be wide open" to what millions of women go through without any control.
Then you comment how having a baby can't be that bad sans drugs? I would love to see you push a watermelon out and not feel a thing!! It should be Katie's choice and not yours or your Scientologist ways!
One more thing - good for Nicole - if you were picturing her as a man - it's a good thing you're not together anymore - think about this - what would your kids think if they read that?
I don't doubt your love for one another but really - your children have to live in this life too - think about them for once and what they will have to endure!!

11:17 PM  
Anonymous Esther said...

To quote myself when I heard the news from my friend.

"Oh my God. I was sure that he's gay!"

Of course, the baby may be half Katie, but not half Tom...

3:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congratulations you both deserve all the happiness that this beautiful baby will bring to your life.. Please aim for Sept 14th that is my beautiful baby girls birthday however she is now 12.. If you haven't though of a name if it is a girl I bet Angel would be perfect..

10:22 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Jesus fucking CHRIST.

I can't believe some of you imbeciles think this is real.

*headdesk*

11:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i think the scientologist impregnated her with L. Ron Hubbards frozen sperm.

1:19 AM  
Blogger Alexandria The Great said...

Glad to have new posts! You Da' Man!

11:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

but that's not katie in the picture, tom....WHO is that????
i demand to know!

4:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AHAHAHA! It's the Immaculate Conception. Tom Cruise is the father like Micheal Jackson is to Debbie Rowe. Hehe-- none of those kids were conceived naturally!

11:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is Paula Wagner!
Tom so fucking HOT here! I love borderline guys!
Hum...

3:05 PM  
Anonymous sqeageme said...

congatrs tom and katie may god be with u both

9:04 PM  
Blogger Te Rangi said...

Congratulations Tom and Katie. Marriage and parenting is a packaged deal. You know when you order a cellphone or something and upon recieving the package it reads WARNING: once opened you may not return. I'm a mum of 5. I live in New Zealand in a small town called Tokoroa. I'm 32, my eldest is 14 and the youngest 8, everyone else is between. sometimes we experience defects with our package but through perseverence, and much courage we fix at the time what seems to be impossible to mend. Tom and Katie; this is the real thing, no returns, you guys are to look after each other and your baby.
1Corinthians 13. The key to a much happier relationship. May God bless you.

9:36 AM  
Anonymous Ellectrika said...

You need to pop into the 'clue store' and do some heavy duty purchasing, Tom love.

You are a raving looney!!

Elle x

1:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought Tom was sterile??? Thats why he and Nicole had to adopt. I wonder who the father really is?

6:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well first "the last samurai" has got to be the most insulting movie to my kin i have ever seen. and yes i know im late in posting that, second tom has got to be the biggest loserest moron to think scientology makes any sense at all. i mean come on most of the stuff just doesnt make sense how could you even think any of it could possibly be real

3:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. Tom isn't Katie's baby daddy.
2. Scientology isn't a religion, it's a science fiction cult.
3. Tom and Katie need to do some heavy clue shopping.
4. Katies parents are beside themselves with embarrassment.
5. The baby regardless of sex will be named to honor them both...TomKat Cruise.
6.The vast amounts of money that Tom has given to Scientology was a downpayment on the therapy the kid's going to require.
7. It really is all a public relations scam that will reveal itself as a nightmare given how much the public dislikes them already.
8. Tom should be running like Forest Gump to get past his issues since medication is against his Scientology beliefs.
9. If it weren't for his huge contributions the Scientology church would be distancing themselves from him faster than the strange lights L. Ron Hubbard believes in.
10. Mr. & Ms Morality (aka Tom and Katie) prove they will do anything for show including spawning illegitimate children. What happened to Kate's proclamation of remaining a "virgin until marriage"...lost it to Tom? Ewwwww...talk about waking up in a nightmare!

:)

9:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tom,Tom,Tom. 1981 when Endless love came out I was just a tiny child, and that was mother favorite movie she loves you, she loved the story. Oh my God Endless love Wow! Risky business was my favorite I wanted to be like you. My coursing Alma Was head over heal for you you'll never believe how she felt during one of our vacation in France and read somewhere that you were STERILE. She cried her eyes out; you know why she cried when you and Mimi Rogers got a divorce in 1990 the news told us it is because you two could not procreate. Darn he is too cute to be Pumping air I said, but my cousin was crush. when you married Nicole I was happy again, but I was disappointed because you two still could not procreated I was happy for you when you got Isabella Jane, and Connor, but sad for Mimi because the divorce was because you wanted children and thought that she could not have any the irony of it is in 2003 she married Chris and gave birth to 2 children wow something is not clear here TOM I THOUGHT YOU ARE A FREAKING STERILE. Now I have to explain to my cousin my some Miracle you in pregnant KATIE. Is any body going to scream late April fool? I can't wait any longer come on Tom

9:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought Tom was sterile...maybe some Ron Hubbard Vitamin C tablets (and a few miles on the treadmill) did the trick... or was it Chris Klein??

2:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, we can only hope that Tommy Boy will realize now that childbirth is something with real pain and that there are problems that come afterword.

8:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought Katie was a christian? So i guess pre-marital sex is ok now? Besides the pre-marital sex she's knocked up and not even married!! Katie you are going to HELL!!!

4:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If Katie was artificially inseminated...is she still a virgin?
Tom procreating is a nightmare!

5:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope Katie is getting LOTS of money for this scam with Tom because it'll all be over within the 10 time limit (aka his marriage/divorce from Nicole).
Tom is a manipulative lunatic!

5:35 PM  
Blogger Katie Holmes said...

I will not go to hell for pre-marital sex. Why? Because I'm a Scientologist and we don't believe in that stuff! :)

BTW- That soooo isn't me in that photograph.

6:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What is it "FREAKING " to be sterile dickhead?
So much fools here.
So if I follow your logic about Tom being sterile, so is Brad pitt and angelina jolie.
He wanted kids with paltrow, with aniston, and it was a no- no. Now paltrow got kid, aniston let's see, and pitt and jolie adopt; and thorton is a father.
So pitt is gay and sterile. but paltrow was not a bitch like rogers (a great scientologist brainwasher for Tom)

By the way, why does Tom's sexuality is so important to you? is it some kind of identification?
Well, I understand, he is hot indeed. And such successful.

12:46 PM  
Anonymous Nicole Kidmann said...

Tom, sorry I guess it was that strap-on you bought for me last Christmas, I used it on you too much, I know, but you know I am not a guy, come on!!

9:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who cares? It is sooooo disgusting to watch a grown ( not mature) man act the way he has over the whole situation. Can you say publicity stunt?

4:41 AM  
Anonymous t c said...

tom and katie,
may you both know the TRUTH about our LORD JESUS CHRIST, HE DIED on the CROSS to redeem all of us the SINNERS. May you read the TRUTH in the BIBLE. Please get marry before your child's birth. The TRUTH and the WAY is in the new testiment. Please start reading from John. A chapter a day, you will find the BIBLE is wonderful BOOK to read to give you guidance and wisdom.
GOD BLESS

8:55 AM  
Blogger LonelygirlPR said...

Wow...I'm just glad you were able to take time out of your "baby making" schedule to blog again!

10:31 AM  
Blogger Newfie said...

I don't understand why people just don't leave Tom and Katie alone. So what, big deal ... she said she was going to keep her virginity until marriege ... if I had Tom I wouldn't keep mine either!! I don't think anyone else would either ... I think you should all just fuk off and worry about our own lives for a change ... Tom and Katie are great people ... I wish them all the best, they deserve it.

12:23 PM  
Anonymous Leavimkate said...

so tom, did you propose before or after you found out she was preggers? I mean come on - she sure is showing quite a bit, and why so secretive on the due date? you sure are putting the cart before the carriage and you should be thankful Kate's daddy is catholic and pray he doesn't shoot you!
oh and PS, you may want a paternity test

hehehehehe

3:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh my freakin' xenu, I can't believe how some people believe this is really Tom blogging. It's for entertainment people!

11:54 PM  
Blogger GODISGOOD said...

hi tom and katie...dont listen to all of these "goobers"...GOD KNOWS THE TRUTH..and that is all that you need to know...just stay happy and remember to THANK GOD for your blessings and also that others opinions dont matter..............
because..."your opinion of me..(us)
....is none of my..(our) business"
..."risky" or not, &PS... in the end... "GODS OPINION" is the only real opinion.....take care of your new FAMILY LIFE.....
opinion

4:32 PM  
Blogger GODISGOOD said...

:-)............:-)............:-)

4:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

idoits are running amok! why do they not see the freakin' hilarity of this blog....it is NOT real...hate to be the fiftith person to burst the bubble, but honestly, folks...read the other posts...NOT real.

8:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hopefully his children will not read this and get the feeling that they are not wanted because they are adopted! Shame on you for saying this your child not an adopted one! Hopefully some day they will grow up and see what an asshole you really are!

12:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How old is Katie? Would she have been jail bait for Tom a few years ago?? Well everyone has things that turn them on, but somethings are just wrong. Like getting knocked up by a guy that is old enough to be you father. Nicole is lucky to be done with the man going though another mid life crisis!!!!

3:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

my god can't u behave like adults at ur daughters soccer game poor Nicole and kids how disrespectful. You both should keep it in the bedroom. Grow up Tom and katie have some respect for Nicole and those kids they came first act like an adult. I give it 3 years and then ur divorce will be headline news

7:48 PM  
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Anonymous Tom and Katie Baby Fan said...

Congratulations on your new baby to come. I just want to make a plea.. natural child birth is a torterous thing please reconsider the technologies (pain medications etc.) of today and take advantage of them. A painless child birth (or less painful) makes everything so much more enjoyable for mom, baby, and family. In the long run it takes the major stress and trauma out of the equation so you can enjoy all of your time with the new baby with no regrets or resentment. Katie if you want a comfortable birth look into it. You are the one having the baby and going through the most painful expierience of your life. Take seriously how you want to do it. Less pain more enjoyment. I hope you all the best and have always thought you were a beautiful couple.

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Blogger qqq said...

Привет, Том! Как дела, чувак? Шо там у тебя нового? Бабло шинкуешь?

11:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Чого мовчиш, як ота риба об кригу? Га?

1:52 AM  
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TOM, YOU ARE UNREAL! GEES, KATIE, I WISH YOU COULD SEE WHAT I DO. HES GOING TO HURT YOU..REAL BAD

8:22 PM  
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So...who's in on ther pool as to when Katie miscarries. 'Cause you just KNOW that pregnancy ain't real.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

What????!!!!!! Thought he was speculating divorce with Nicole years back because she was pregnant and he said he couldnt have children..when did that change???!!! Whos the daddy Katie???? A Church of Scientology sperm donation we're sure.....you messed up when u left Nicole Tom...Katie dont get to comfortable...I give you a few years then your out lol...then you'll know what it feels like to be left like Pennelope....Nicole..Mimi.....and the list goes on.

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Blogger AMYKELLS said...

To Tom Cruise:
You faggot. You're not even a very competent actor. WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE ASSHOLE ??? YOU'RE A FUCKING CRYBABY, AND PEOPLE, IN GENERAL, DON'T LIKE YOU. DICKHEAD. Hey TOMMY BOY "MR CRUISE....COME OUT OF THE CLOSET !!!" fucking pussy, little-talent, over-rated actor. SOUTH PARK RULES AND YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE. Another thing tommy boy..more acting classes might give you a chance against superior actors like Edward Norton, Johnny Depp, Sean Penn, oh..I could go on and on and ON...

10:28 PM  
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11:43 AM  
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5:38 PM  
Blogger AMYKELLS said...

Cruise is a somewhat talented actor, a half a faggot, and believer in this whole 'scientology horseshit.' Yes. HORSESHIT. Wake up and lets call Cruise and this whole 'I am engaged to Katie Holmes so I'm not a fag..see?' yadayadayada..he can stick his scientology bullshit straight up his ass. Of course it won't be the first time some 'thing' has been shoved up his a s s.

2:55 AM  
Blogger People who hate Scientology is the shit said...

http://people.who.hate.scientology.istheshit.net/

8:37 AM  
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