Saturday, July 23, 2005

'Metal Heart' sounds just like 'Fond Farewell'

Last night, I asked Katie what she was thinking when she posed for this picture. I mean, I didn't see anything wrong with it, but when we got off a plane in New York yesterday, a bunch of people started asking me if putting a fiancee on mind-altering drugs violated principles of Scientology. I didn't know what they meant until my sister gave me a copy of the magazine. When I showed it to Katie, she just opened and closed her mouth like a fish, but no words came out. So Jessica spoke for her:

"You love him," she said, "and he completes you."

Katie nodded, and I helped wipe away the drool from the side of her mouth. I really think we connected. Today, we're going shopping -- again. I don't know why stores laugh at us when we ask for a 300 day return policy on bridal gowns. This is so weird! It's like everyone thinks we're not real or something. Can't they see we're in love? Gosh, how many times do we have to kiss in public for people to believe our relationship didn't begin with a contract? Arrrrgh! None of you people understand the history of Katie and me. You're just like Matt; you're glib! You don't even know what glibness is!

Okay everyone, I'm sorry. Katie just came by, and she doesn't like me using the computer when she's not around. I think it's because I forgot to turn on the $cientology Net-Nanny the last time I surfed, and I managed to get onto this dangerous site called Google. Jessica agreed with her; there's no telling what I might have seen or read if they hadn't gotten to me in time. I don't remember the details (it was right before my drug-induced nap), but apparently, when Katie just happened to walk into our bedroom (she was looking for her Chris Klein poster), she saw me typing in "Scientology+cult?" into the search engine. I didn't see anything wrong with it (after all, John Travolta told me that "Cult" was just another word for "Super-Awesome"), but Katie let out this horrible scream, and she threw a size six shoe (mine, not hers) at me, and pushed me away from the computer. Then my sister came in with this really big needle, and then everything went black. I wonder what happened. Oh well. Scientology knows best! Maybe they were keeping me away from a virus. I don't know much about computers. *Shrug*

Anyway, I've got to go. Nicole's on the phone. She wants to know if I listened to that Cat Power album she sent me. It was Katie's idea; she thinks listening to some non-Sci music would do me good. She sent me this Elliott Smith album before we started dating, and it wasn't bad. I love the lyrics about being lost, and then being found. I mean...aren't we all lost in different ways?

Tom Cruise
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